Excluded Man Assaults Woman At Monopoly Tournament

Some 69-year-old men don't have much to look forward to, so when you deny them the opportunity to partake in one of their favorite activities, they're going to get angry; and perhaps they will get physical... you never know.

John "the Monopoly Menace" Litton was informed ahead of time (via telephone) that he wasn't welcome at this year's Ozark Mountain Monopoly Tournament because of his verbal assault of other players at last year's tournament. Not many specifics were given about his brashness during the previous tournament, but the tournament's spokesman, Cy Bortner, broke it down like this for Huffington Post.
 "I'm using a hypothetical example, but say I ask you to sell Ventnor Avenue and when you don't, I call you a dumbass."

Most people would agree that that is some pretty jerky behavior for a Monopoly tournament. Mr. Litton was booted from last year's games and given a refund because of his rude behavior.

When "the Monopoly Menace" arrived Saturday at this year's tournament, he was told to take a hike, but he wasn't leaving without first obtaining some excitement in his life. The tournament spokesman claims that Mr. Litton punched one of the women he played against last year and made a threatening throat-slitting gesture towards another. To top it all off, he "pawed at" the spokesman's chest. I'm not exactly sure what being "pawed at" means, but it sounds fun. It almost sounds as fun as "heavy petting."

The next time you're in Missouri, don't accept any invites to play any board games. If you do, you may be putting yourself in danger of being called a "dumbass," or even worse, getting "pawed at."