63 Earths Can Fit In Uranus

Teen Shows Off New Air Jordans, Friends Steal Them

Friends Steal Air Jordans From Teen

Michael Kelly and Christopher Hernandez, both 18 years old, have been charged with armed robbery, kidnapping, and aggravated battery for stealing a friend's Air Jordan sneakers and his cellphone. With friends like that, who needs cousins, right?

A teenager from West Palm Beach, Florida handed his brand new Jordans to three teens that were in a car outside of his house so they could "get a closer look at them." When the teens in the automobile started to drive away, the victim jumped inside the vehicle to retrieve his $170 kicks. One of the accused, Michael Kelly, is quite obese, so there is no way in hell that Jordans are going to make him jump any higher or run faster.

Whilst inside the car, the victim asked the alleged assailants to let him out of the car with his fresh new sneakers, but they weren't having it; in fact, they decided to make the victims day even worse. They told him to give up his cellphone or they would shoot him, and then the teens put a pillow case over his head. Then the teens are said to have pulled the teen out of the car, beat him up something fierce, and then threw him in a canal.

Hernandez was released from jail and Kelly is still sitting in there on $30,000 bail.

Do you think the kids will still be friends? I doubt it. At least the victim learned a couple of valuable lessons that he can carry with him into his adult life. Good luck, kid.

via: Sun Sentinel

Ashley Madison Owner's Planned What's Your Wife Worth App.

The company that is en vogue to hate right now (Avid Life Media, the owner's of Ashley Madison) have people even more upset with them... and it's for something that they didn't even do, yet.

ALM was planning on launching a smartphone app called "What's Your Wife Worth?" Well, cry me a river, right? The app that they were planning on launching isn't nearly as offensive in the masses collective mind as ashleymadison.com. And, besides, there are already "rating" sites on the Internet. Sure, they may not be considered to be as tasteless as "What's Your Wife Worth," but so what. 

Don't be upset, all you perfect people... there's no such thing as right or wrong if you really want to get right down to the heart of the matter. And, your wife is wonderful -- she must be worth a billion American dollars. You should go put your "thingy" in her right now before somebody else with more money and a nicer car beats you to it.

via: dailydot.com

I Know I'm Not the Only One

Surely I can't be the only person who listens to a song and thinks, "it would be neat to jump off a bridge while listening to that song." 

"Clarity" by Zedd is one of those songs.

Dumb Guy On Segway Crashes Into Usain Bolt

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi Claims Her Husband Didn't Use Ashley Madison Website

"I'm so educated and smart... durrr!"

Snooki "The Wombat Wookie" Polizzi is claiming that her husband didn't use the Ashley Madison website to cheat on her. 

It has been reported that Snooki's husband's e-mail address was used to create an account on ashleymadison.com. So, Snooki went on instagram and rambled off some things about how her husband would never cheat on her, and if he did, he wouldn't have to use a website to do it. Well, the point of the website is to find other people who want to cheat and not get caught... so, yeah, Snooki, maybe he would use a website to cheat on you. The whole post sounds like she is trying to convince herself that her husband wouldn't cheat on her. I, myself, am not convinced that he wouldn't cheat on her.

In her instagram post she said many wonderful and poignant things. Here is a sample: "Jionni is the the [sic] most humble, respectful, and most loyal souls [sic] I know."

Yes, she did make two terrible mistakes in one sentence. Maybe she should have somebody type and proofread for her. 

One of her fans, named "bambbri" commented:  

  And in all honesty no one wants to talk nor give you the credit you deserve, from watching the first episode of jersey shore and seeing you be a crazy meatball to a lovely, educated, mother I must say the transformation you did is inspiring!

Educated? Yeah, "Snooki" is a regular old Rhodes scholar, isn't she. Her story is so inspiring, isn't it? She was paid to get drunk on TV and act like a fool and then she got pregnant and married. Wow! That is one riveting story!

via: Snooki's Instagram 

Female News Reporter Shot and Killed On Live TV

Female News Reporter Shot & Killed On Live TV

Here is something that you don't see every day -- or twice a week, for that matter. A shooting on live TV! A female news reporter, Alison Parker, 24, and her cameraman, Adam Ward, 27, were filming a segment this morning at a water park in Virginia when the murders took place.

The shooting took place at 6:45 a.m. whilst Alison Parker was interviewing somebody at the park for some reason or another. I watched the video a few times, but I didn't pay attention to what the old bitty was saying either time.

Here is the "shocking" video that captures the action. Talk about being the first on the scene! The shooter is still on the loose and there is no word on what the shooter's motive was.

Warning: The video is not for the faint of heart, but it isn't gruesome, per se.

Man Accused Of Stealing Potato Chips From Child Stabs A Man

Clarence Dorn Jr. (56) was arrested in North Portland, Oregon on Saturday night after stabbing a man in the neck for accusing him of stealing potato chips from a child's plate. 

The way I see it, either Mr. Dorn was pissed off for being accused of something he didn't do or he was upset that he got caught. Either scenario is plausible.

When officers and paramedics rolled up on the scene of the alleged crime, they found Robert Alexander with a stab wound in his neck. His injury isn't life-threatening.

The police found Clarence Dorn Jr. at a nearby park and arrested him. He has been charged with 2nd degree assault.

There is no word on whether or not Dorn had potato chip grease on his fingers and/or lips when he was apprehended.

Life... Pssh

He must be High if he thinks it looks good to wear a bow tie and a sweatshirt at the same time.

Former NFL Cheerleader Gets Probation For Raping Boy

I can deflate balls better than Tom Brady

A former cheerleader for one of the stupidest teams in the NFL (the Ravens) was sentenced to two measly years of probation for giving a 15-year-old boy alcohol and raping him. She fourth-degree raped his brains out, and that's just not right. This isn't a laughing matter.

The 48-year-old divorced cougar MILF gave the victim and three other boys alcoholic beverages at her Delaware rental vacation home in August of last year. She got the boy drunk and had sex with him... and I'm sure he is going to be distraught about it for the rest of his life. That poor boy. 

The teen victim's father at court today said: "At the end of the day, there's nothing we can do to take this pain away from him."

There is no word on how many times the victim and his little buddies made jokes to her about her "pom-poms."

via: Huffington Post

Woman Claimed She Was Kidnapped By Boyfriend To Skip Work

Breaking News: Women Lie!

A Florida woman proves once again that women are liars. 

On Monday morning police officers from Panama City, Florida and other local agencies wasted a few hours of their time looking for a woman who falsely claimed that she was being held against her will by her boyfriend. 

Beverly Brooks (43), left her job as a nursing assistant during her break and failed to return to work. A concerned co-worker called her to see what her deal was and that's when Brooks fabricated the tale of being kidnapped by her boyfriend.

Police found Brooks yesterday and arrested her for being a big fat liar. I'm surprised the police didn't consider her kidnapping story to be true even though she admitted it was a lie. In many cases where a woman lies about being abused by her male lover the cops beat up the guy and arrest him before asking questions. 

Kids Drown In Chinese Reservoir, Parents Are Sued For Pollution Fee

Please clean up after your kids

After five kids drowned while swimming unsupervised by any super heroes at a reservoir in Yunnan, China, one set of parents (who lost two sons in the mishap) have sued the local water authority and the company who manages the reservoir. The parents are saying "show me the money."

Apparently there were no signs posted stating that children shouldn't swim in that particular reserve of water. If there were signs posted, the parents feel that the children wouldn't be dead, yet. That has to be true because children always obey signs, right?

The management company isn't taking this matter lightly and they are countersuing the parents. Because the parents didn't teach their children not to swim in reservoirs (when no superheroes were around), the company has been forced to treat the water -- and that isn't free.

The parents are being sued in order to pay for what the company is calling a "corpse pollution fee.

If you can help out in anyway, I'm sure the company that was forced to clean up after the kids would gladly accept donations.
 

Funny Old Advertisement For Coffee

I would never marry a woman who didn't "store-test" the coffee before bringing it home. That would be downright irresponsible coffee purchasing, period. And it would probably be the last mistake she ever made. Would you marry a woman who is so careless with the coffee decisions in your household? I didn't think so!

Snoop Dogg Stopped At Italian Airport Carrying $422,000

What is a "Snoop Doggy"?

Snoop Dogg was stopped Friday at an Italian airport whilst carrying $422,000 in cash in his fancy-pants designer luggage.

The California rapper was just trying to get to the United Kingdom after doing some rapping and rhyming in exchange for money in the country that looks like a boot.

In European countries, the limit on the amount of money you can carry onto a plane is $10,986. The rule even applies to people who are flying on private planes, which Snoop Dogg, a.k.a. Calvin Broadus, was doing. I think that is one unnecessary law when being applied to a private aircraft. I can understand commercial airlines having a restriction, for obvious reasons, but private planes are a whole different matter. If someone wants to carry around a whole bunch of cash, then they must be a criminal, right? Apparently that's the way the law sees it.

Snoop Dogg had the money on him because it was his pay for performances he had just done in Europe. The Italian authorities gave Snoop half of the money and kept the other half until it is determined how much his fine is going to be. They will return the rest, minus the fine amount, at a later date. What a scam and a bunch of bologna.

Yahoo! News