Napping Yankees Fan Tried To Sue For $10 Million, Case Thrown Out

Andrew Rector tried to achieve the American dream (which is to win a frivolous lawsuit), but he failed miserably. The napping Yankees fan who tried to sue for $10 million had his case thrown out, and that is good for American society at large.

Mr. Rector sued ESPN, the game's announcers, the NY Yankees, and Major League Baseball claiming that he was defamed something fierce. Rector alleged that the ESPN announcers made fun of him with an "unending verbal crusade." But, that right there shows the plaintiff in the case is a liar. If it was "unending," they would still be bombarding him with their word onslaught. He also said that the announcers, John Kruk and Don Shulman, called him mean names like "fatty" and "stupid." I watched the video, and that is simply not true. Not only did I watch the video, I also listened to it.

The judge ruled that nothing that the announcers said was defamatory and the sleeping giant had his case put to rest.

There is no word on whether or not Mr. Rector still attends Yankees games. I tried to reach him with smoke signals, but he hasn't responded, yet.

Roethlisberger To Give Guidance To Michael Vick During Thursday's Game

"I'll bet you I can hit that dog from here."

The Steelers don't have much of a choice, so they will be starting "The Dog Whisperer Shouter" this Thursday night against the Baltimore Ravens. "Big Baby" Roethlisberger will be on the sidelines for Thursday's game giving guidance to Michael Vick as they take on their winless AFC North rivals. 

On Tuesday, Roethlisberger said that he thought his leg was broken when he got hit and hurt by St. Louis Rams safety Mark Barron. The big quarterback said of his left knee injury: "This is pretty painful." No doubt everybody within earshot thought "That's what she said."

This prime time Thursday night American football contest should be interesting. Will the Ravens be able to take advantage of the rusty Vick and get their first win of the season, or will Vick come out slinging and keep Baltimore winless? 

Michael Vick is fortunate that his first game back as a starter will be played in Pittsburgh on the ketchup field, but he will no doubt still hear some taunts from fans who love dogs and football. That should be a TV dating show: Must Love Dogs and Football.

 

Florida Man Disemboweled Girlfriend After Drunken Sex Gone Bad

I am not surprised that this exciting episode of When Sex Goes Wrong was set against a Florida backdrop -- it's just the sort of thing that happens in Florida all day, every day. 

Fidel Lopez (24) was laying the smackdown on his girlfriend's "lovehole" when she made the fatal mistake of calling him by her ex-husband's name... twice! Uh-oh, Maria Nemeth, you shouldn't have done that. People don't take too kindly to such things. Now, that isn't something that falls into the "unheard of" category, but something that just might is the fact that they were having sex in a closet. Although, they were drinking tequila, so I'm guessing that is the reason why they ended up fornicating where some clothes were just hanging around. Boy, if that T-shirt could talk...

When the officers of the law showed up at the Sunrise, Florida apartment building, they discovered Mr. Lopez in the bathroom naked and bawling like a sissy next to the bloody 31-year-old woman.

At first Lopez told the cops that Nemeth became ill after they had drunken sex, so she went into the bathroom in order to puke and collapse. But after police bothered Mr. Lopez some more, the truth came out. Lopez said that he was so upset that he started smashing things in the apartment, and then he went back to the sexy closet where he found Nemeth passed out. That is when Lopez really started to go bonkers. He said that he turned into a "monster" and began putting objects inside of her you-know-what. But that didn't help make Lopez's anger subside, so naturally he put his hand inside of her and pulled out some pieces of her intestines. Say what?! Who knew that was even possible without some sort of surgical apparatus or a butter knife.

After the whole scene was over, the antagonist went outside and puffed on a cigarette before calling 911.

If I was one of the cops who responded to the scene of the crime, I would've asked Mr. Lopez if he finished up (i.e., had an orgasm) before he went bonkers or if his anger overpowered his sexual needs.

The police didn't let Mr. Lopez go free, they cuffed him and charged him with murder.

 

Man Who Escaped Jail Sued The System For $10 Million

Take a look at the man in the picture to your right. He looks like a wimpy, whiny, nerd to me. His name is Jose Banks (40) and he tried to sue the Chicago jail that he escaped from in 2012 for $10 million. He claims that he now suffers trauma from the escape because he got scared while dangling from a rope made of sheets and dental floss. Oh, poor baby.

Banks had a fool for a client because he represented himself in the civil case that was (of course) tossed out of court. 

Mr. Banks and his cellmate planned the escape for months; Banks claims that his cellmate is to blame and that he made him do it. He also claims that the guards should have noticed that he and his cellmate were chiseling an escape hole and stopped them way before their escape took place. In the lawsuit Banks also claims that he has "suffered damage to his reputation" since the escape.

Banks was caught just a few days after escaping while his fellow escapee remained at large for weeks. I guess that means his partner was the better man.

Banks isn't being charged with the escape attempt because he is already facing decades in jail for bank robbery. That's a bunch of bologna. He definitely should be charged with trying to escape. Maybe I should cause a stink and demand that he be charged. No, I don't have time for that... he's lucky.

Leah Remini To Release A Book About Scientology

Well, I bet this is gonna grind Tom Cruise's gears -- Leah Remini wrote a book about her "surviving" Hollywood and Scientology, entitled Troublemaker, that will be released on November 3.

Remini joined the moronic and fake Church of Scientology when she was ten years old. How does one become a Scientologist at such a young age? Maybe her parents were into it or something. I don't know. But it does seem strange.

When Remini left the "church" in 2013, she told them that she was going to run her mouth about them and the time is nigh. 

Leah "Rem Dawg" Remini said that the best thing about not being a Scientologist anymore is that she can drink alcoholic beverages again. So, let me get this straight... she joined the church at age ten and couldn't drink while she was a member of the church and dearly missed being able to get drunk. So, what she is saying is that she was boozing it up when she was a 10-year-old girl? If that's not the case, then something doesn't add up... which is also the case with Scientology; something just doesn't add up.

Darryl McDaniels From Run DMC Answers Questions On Reddit

Darryl McDaniels from the legendary rap group Run-DMC took to the website Reddit to answer fans' questions, and he didn't  disappoint. 

When asked what he thinks of the rap music that has been released this year, DMC said that he doesn't know "what the hell is going on with hip hop right now." Exactly. He hit the nail right on the head with that answer. As everybody with a brain bigger than a penny knows, mainstream rap these days just sucks... hard. It sucks so hard that it actually blows at the same time. 

Mr. McDaniels a.k.a. DMC added: "I've been listening to Zeppelin, Nivana, Pearl Jam and Pentagram."

When DMC was asked if Adidas still sends him free stuff, he replied in the affirmative and said that they send him so much stuff that he has to tell them to stop.

If you want to read some of DMC's answers to fans' questions, you can check it out on reddit for yourself by following the link below.

linkage: DMC answers fans questions on Reddit

Kylie Jenner Cheated on Tyga With Another Rapper

Kylie Jenner is said to have cheated on Tyga with another crappy rapper named Stitches, and he claims that he has proof. What is the proof? Stitches (whoever that is) told his homeboy to smell his fingers 20 minutes after it happened? If that's the only proof he has, it's not very good. I would like to see this proof, Stitches McGee.

The rapper told In Touch magazine that she cheated on Tyga with him shortly after her 18th birthday and that "She didn’t bring up Tyga, not one time. She did not seem remorseful, not one bit." The rapper then gave a lousy excuse as to why he is blabbing to the press about his alleged sexual-action-time with Ms. Jenner: "I thought it was a good idea to come at her ’cause, I’m not gonna lie — she ignored me after that day we had sex."

So, there you have it. Apparently stitches has the mind set of a teenage girl. Dude, who cares if she doesn't talk to you anymore. You already "hit it." Therefore, you should just quit it.

But we all know the real reason that Stitches turned "Snitches": he wants free publicity. It worked, Stitches, because before this story came to light I had no idea who you were. 

And to Kylie, I say: "If you really want to piss off Tyga, you can cheat on him with a scummy white boy like me. What a great idea!

linkage: Glitz and Dirt

Man Claims He and His Son Got High Off Meth From Hotel Coffee Pot

 
Travis Richard claims that he got high and his son got sick from drinking
coffee made in the coffee pot in an Omaha, Nebraska hotel room.

Travis, his wife Amber, and their young children were staying at the Ramada Inn (I actually stayed at this very hotel, it was decent) in Omaha over Labor Day weekend when his alleged "highness" occurred. Mr. Richard claims that he made coffee in their room's coffee pot, drank it, and then felt high about twenty minutes later. He also gave his two-year-old son a sip of the coffee and it made the little boy sick. Who would give a two-year-old a sip of coffee? Not me, unless the child was dying of thirst in a desert or stuck on a mountain.

The family went to the hospital where the father and son were tested for drugs. And, sure enough, the test came back positive for an amphetamine, although it is unclear at this time if the amphetamine was indeed crystal methamphetamine. 

The Richards think that a former guest hid or put crystal meth in the hotel room's coffee pot for some reason. The hotel staff isn't really convinced that the man got high on their supply... of coffee, that is.

I'm not saying Richard is lying, and I'm not saying that he is telling the truth; but if somebody wanted to sue a hotel and get rich, this is a wonderful and original way to do it. If he did make up the story, I say to Mr. Richard: "Good one. You're pretty clever."

link: Huffington Post 

Colorado Man Eats Pot Candy/Kills Wife?

EAT AND KILL, EAT AND KILL

A Colorado Man Eats Some Pot Candy Called Karma Kandy and then Allegedly Shoots His Wife

I am overjoyed by this story-- I really am. Not because a woman was killed, but because it proves me right, which I always am.

A Denver, Colorado man (he's probably a hippie stoner) allegedly (yeah, sure) shot his wife (with a gun, of course, what the heck?) after ingesting some pot candy that he bought at a marijuana mart. The candy the man ate is called Kandy Karma. Yummy, that sounds delicious... deliciously stupid.

Richard "Trick Dick" Kirk, 49, has been charged with first-degree murder for the death of his wife that occurred in 2014. Why did it take so long for investigators to charge him with this crime? Were they too stoned to get off their couch and do anything about it. "Hey, Sergeant, we should totally go arrest Richard Kirk for shooting his wife." 

"No way, Jose. Pass me the bong and those cookies before I assign you to desk duty, rookie."

In the moments leading up to Mr. Kirk allegedly shooting his wife, she was on the horn with 911 dispatchers saying that her husband was acting drunk. Mr. Kirk broke a window on his house to climb into the residence and cut himself in the process. He's a pretty smart fellow, no? 

Kirk is going to plead insanity at his trial. But prosecutors are saying that's a load of bunk because he had his wits about him enough to remember the gun safe combination to get his gun.

So, how does this story prove me right? Because 99.99999 percent of stoners say that weed is harmless and that it should be legal in every state for every reason... and I say it isn't harmless, and I am correct. No, pot shouldn't be legal for recreational use in America; there are already enough dopey people walking around these days. The problem would be even worse if it were legal for recreational purposes all across America. I've often heard people say: "When people do the pot they don't go home and beat their wife like an alcoholic does." Is that so? No, they just get stoned and shoot them. And, the people who say such things are usually smoking pot and drinking at the same time, so that makes their argument null and void right there anyway. They are talking bad about alcohol and putting pot on a pedestal, but meanwhile they have a can of beer in their hand. 

Come on, people, put down the bong and pick up a book. If you're not that good at reading you can go do something else, like punching yourself in the neck. I'd really appreciate it. And, by the way, I'm not anti-drugs, I'm anti marijuana.

More Proof That Former NFL Players Have Brain Damage

A study of 91 former NFL players' brains conducted by the Boston University School of Medicine has determined what everybody should've already known by now: former NFL players have brain damage -- or, more specifically, chronic traumatic encephalopathy. Of the 91 brains that were studied, 87 of them showed signs of CTE. So, what's the deal with the four players whose brains were not scrambled? Were they kickers or punters?

Imagine (if you would, please) someone telling you that they don't have brain damage, but they do have some damage to their brain. Now, would you say that there is a difference or would you punch that person in the face and say, "No, you have brain damage?" These are questions that have to be asked of people around the world -- preferably before P. Diddy and I get "playa hated" on some more. It's an everyday occurrence of pandemic proportions.

People who suffer from the CTE show symptoms of memory loss, depression, and dementia, which means that their brain power gets progressively worse causing their memory and thinking to go down the drain; the brain drain.

Do not feel sorry for NFL players because they make more money for playing one game than most people earn all year. A little (or a lot) of CTE is a fair trade-off for such riches and fame.

Catholic Priests Are Being Relocated To South America

"Children five and under ride free."

Catholic Church has been relocating their molesting priests to South America

I just don't think I understand; I'm like Billy Ray's "achey-breaky" heart. 

The disgusting sinners who are in charge of the Catholic Church has been relocating their worst (or best, if you look at it from their point of view) American-based priests to foreign countries to continue their devilish practice of molesting children for years. Will it ever stop? No, it will not. 

You see that guy up there in the photograph? That is none other than Father Francisco Montero who was accused of molesting a 4-year-old girl. Is this man in prison? Yeah, right. He's a priest, so he gets special protection. He has been relocated to his native land of Peru by the Catholic Church and he continues to give a sermon god-damned week. "Isn't that special?"

If Montero isn't disgusting enough for you, how about Father Frederico Fernandez Baeza? He was indicted in 1987 on two second-degree felony charges of indecency with a child. 

Not only is Father Baeza guilty of that, a family from Texas claims that Baeza ritually raped two brothers over a two-year period of time. But, the scumbag Catholic priest never got in trouble for that because he paid off the family for $1 million. 

Is that what you Catholic churchgoers put money in the collection plate for, to get these perverts out of trouble? Give till it hurts because lawyers are expensive.

Child molesting is the number one pastime for these priests in big fancy dresses. This game that they play is here to stay. It won't go away before the game of baseball does, so count on it never happening.

Here's a link with more disgusting details: 
 http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2015/09/17/us-priests-sex-abuse-relocate-south-america/32551455/

 

Facebook Is Adding A "Dislike" Button

Facebook is finally adding a "dislike" button after years of listening to people whine about how bad they want one. Zuckerberg made the announcement at a Facebook Q and A at the Facebook headquarters today.

When the new "dislike" or whatever it will be called option is put into place, you can click on the "like" button when someone says they fell down and broke their face and they will know that you really mean that you liked that they broke their face.

Wife Steals Cop Car With Husband Inside

Now that is what I call a good woman. An Alaska man (Joshua Watford, 28) was in the back seat of a cop car because he failed to show up for a stupid mandatory DWI class. His wife (Amber Watford) hopped into the driver's seat of that there patrol car and took off when the dumb cop was busy talking to a passing motorist. I know how cops are, so the cop was probably busy flirting with a handsome female when he got distracted.

The police with their stupid dogs and helicopters couldn't find the couple afterwards. But, sadly, the couple were apprehended three days ago when some jerk decided not to mind his or her own business and told the cops where the happily-married couple were located. 

Mrs. Watford was bailed out of jail and her husband is still in the pokey -- no doubt he is bragging to his fellow inmates about how bad ass his wife is.

 

Man Films Himself Having Sexual Relations With Animals

"I'll watch your dog while you're away."

Man Has Sex With Three Dogs and a Horse

I must say, this man's actions were filthy and downright dastardly. Travis A. Joy is a 45-year-old man from Spokane County who filmed himself having sex with three dogs and a horse and filmed it for later viewings. He claims that he filmed it so he could watch it later and not have to repeat the act. Certainly that is a lie and a plea for some leniency for his wrongdoings. If that were the case, he could've stopped after only filming himself with one of the dogs. 

Did he think that his friend's dog (that he raped and taped)was more comely than his own dog? Yes, he raped his own dog, too. He's a cheater. 

A former roommate of Mr. Joy discovered the footage of him with the animals after he moved out of the house and left it behind. Oops. 

If you want some more of the gruesome details, go right here.

 

 

Take a Ride On the Euthanasia Coaster

Although it is very unlikely that the Euthanasia Coaster will ever be built, it is still grand to pontificate thinking about its riders who want to die as they're taking their last ever ride on a roller coaster. You can picture the looks on their faces, how many people would cry out in vein "stop this ride!," etc. It's a wonderful idea, especially for people who love roller coasters and also want to die; it's a match made in heaven.

If you're interested in the specific details of the coolest coaster ever dreamed of, check out the link, you dink.

Euthanasia Coaster